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Dalai Lama’s 18 rules for living

At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama apparently issued eighteen rules for living. Since word travels slowly in the digital age these have only just reached me. Here they are.

   1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
   2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
   3. Follow the three Rs:
         1. Respect for self
         2. Respect for others
         3. Responsibility for all your actions.
   4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
   5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
   6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
   7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
   8. Spend some time alone every day.
   9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
  10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
  12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
  13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
  14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
  15. Be gentle with the earth.
  16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
  17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
  18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

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Regular (as it were) Prices for Technical Support/System Administration:
Calling me with a question                                                                                           $10
Calling me with a stupid question                                                                                 $20
Calling me with a stupid question you can't quite articulate                                             $30
Implying I'm incompetant because I can't interpret your inarticulate problem description     $1000+punitive damages
Questions received via phone without first trying help desk                                              $10.00
Questions where answer is in TFM                                                                                $10.00 +
Questions during Xpilot session                                                                                     $20.00
Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once                                               $100
Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow            $200
Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem                                                $5/step
Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem                                                     $50/mile+gas
If you interrupt me while I was reading news                                                                    $25/hr
If you interrupt me while I was trying to count all the xroaches on my screen                     $35/hr
If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else's problem                     $45/hr
If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now                                                             $50/hr
If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it                                                                         $60/hr
If you've come to ask me why something isn't working that I'm currently working on             $70/hr
If you're asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday                                             $75/hr
If you're asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday, but never did fix     $85/hr
If you're asking me to fix a quick patch that I made that didn't work     $95/hr
If you're bugging me while there's another admin in the room who could have done it for you     $150/hr
Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone     $1500.00
Calling up with a problem which "everybody" in the office is having and which is "stopping all work." Not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it.     $1700.00
Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it's your personal machine at home     $500.00
Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do     $150.00
Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do     $300.00
Not telling all of your co-workers about it     $850.00
Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive     $50.00
BEFORE I order your replacement hard drive     $250.00
Fixing your "broken" mouse with a mousepad     $25.00
Fixing your "broken" optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees     $35.00
Fixing a "broken" mouse by cleaning the rollers     $50.00
Fixing your "broken" printer with an ink/toner cartridge     $35.00
Fixing your "broken" ANYTHING with the power button     $250.00
Fixing the "crashed" system by turning the external disk back on     $200.00
Fixing the "hung" systemby plugging the ethernet transciver back in     $375.00
Fixing the crashed nameserver by plugging back in the SCSI cord someone accidentially yanked out on Friday afternoon when the 'real' sysadmin has just left for a two week vacation     $400
Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in     $50
Explaining that you can't log in to some server because you don't have an account there     $10
Explaining that you don't have an account on the machine you used to have an account on because you used it to try to break into the above server     $500
Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger     $25
Changing memory partitions without informing me first     $50
Installing programs without informing me /getting permission first     $100
Technical support for the above programs     $150/hr
Spilling coke on keyboard     $25 plus cost of keyboard
Spilling coke on monitor     $50 plus cost of monitor
Spilling coke on CPU     $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system
Leaving files on desktop     $5 per file, $10 per day the file is left unclaimed
Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve     $50 plus cost of sleeve plus cost of therapy :)
Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a brand new machine     $200
Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus     $25
Putting feet up next to workstation after ten mile jog through NYC streets     $50
Spending 30 minutes trying to figureout what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say... "So that's what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me; to do!"     $40
Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, "Oops. Nevermind."     $35 (including discount for polite apology)
Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software     $25
Dealing with "How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died." requests     $45
Having to use the "We're really not the best people to talk to about that; why don't you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?" line     $55
Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response     $95 (includes instructions for getting freeware replacements from the public file server)
Having to point out anything that's on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points     $15
If I wrote the sign     $45
If it's in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the door     $75
Reporting slow connection by passenger pigeon packets to MPEG archive in Outer Slobavia as a Mosaic/Netscape/Gopher/FTP client problem     $25.00
Reporting it more than once     $50.00
Reporting it more than once and implying slothfullness on tech support's inability to solve problem     $200.00
Beeper Prices:
Beeping me when I'm out with the significant other     $50
Beeping me when I'm out of town and I took pains to insure that help files were left all over and that diagnostics had been run on all machines before I left     $100
Beeping me more than once to tell me that the printer's offline and the fix is to press the On Line button     $200
Beeping me more than once while I'm asleep     $50 per beep
Beeping me and not identifying yourself within the first 5 seconds     - $25
Beeping me and then changing your story / denying you placed the call / hoped I would forget who caused the problem     $500
Special Rates:
Dealing with user body odor     $75.00/hour
Dealing with user not familiar with the primary language spoken at site     $50.00/hour
Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but still calls every other day for help     $100.00/hour
Dealing with computer hobbiests     $125.00/hour
Questioning the other prices ........... $50 

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Chapel of the Holy Ghosts Ruins + Cemetery

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As I am in the process of winding down all of my responsibilities and projects before leaving next month, work has become far quieter than I would like, so to stop me going mad, I have been playing with stumble upon, to entertain me in the last few weeks.

Heres an excerpt I found funny, and definately true - If you have cats I am sure you can relate:

Guidelines for Cats

Doors:
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

Chairs and Rugs:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

Bathrooms:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything . . . just sit and stare.

Hampering:
If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering":

• When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
   
• For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
   
• For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.
   
• For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim-to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

Walking:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

Bedtime:
Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

Play:
This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. Below are listed several favorite cat games that you can play. It is important, though, to maintain one's dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say "I meant to do that!" It fools those humans every time.

Cat Games:

• Catch Mouse:
  The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands. They are lying. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most ferocious attack can stun them long enough for you to dive under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first to taste the Bed Mouse!
   
• King of the Hill:
  This game must be played with at least one other cat. The more, the merrier! One or both of the sleeping humans is Hill 303 which must be defended at all costs from the other cat(s). Anything goes. This game allows for the development of unusual tactics as one must take the unstable playing theater into account.

Warning: Playing either of these games to excess will result in expulsion from the bed and possibly from the bedroom. Should the humans grow restless, immediately begin purring and cuddle up to them. This should buy you some time until they fall asleep again. If one happens to be on a human when this occurs, this cat wins the round of King of the Hill.

Toys:
Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a good toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away. Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and wastebaskets. There are several types of cat toys.

• Bright shiny things like keys, brooches, or coins should be hidden so that the other cat(s) or humans can't play with them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on uncarpeted floors.
   
• Dangly and/or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords, gold chains, and dental floss (& Q-tips) also make excellent toys. They are favorites of humans who like to drag them across the floor for us to pounce on.
   
• When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it magically becomes the Paper/Rug Mouse and should be killed at all costs. Take care, though. Humans are sneaky and will try to make you lose your dignity.

Paper Bags:
Within paper bags dwell the bag mice. They are small and camouflaged to be the same color as the bag, so they are hard to see. But you can easily hear the crinkling noises they make as they scurry around the bag. Anything, up to and including shredding the bag, can be done to kill them. Note: any other cat you may find in a bag hunting for bag mice is fair game for a sneak attack, which will usually result in a great Tagmatch.

Food:
In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are guidelines for getting fed.

• When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.
   
• Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some from the table. Never drink from your own water bowl if a human's glass is full enough to drink from.
   
• Should you catch something of your own outside, it is only polite to attempt to get to know it. Be insistent. Your food will usually not be so polite and try to leave.
   
• Table scraps are delicacies with which the humans are unfortunately unwilling to readily part. It is beneath the dignity of a cat to beg outright for food as lower forms of life such as dogs will, but several techniques exist for ensuring that the humans don't forget you exist. These include, but are not limited to: jumping onto the lap of the "softest" human and purring loudly; lying down in the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen, the "direct stare", and twining around people's legs as they sit and eat while meowing plaintively.

Sleeping:
As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color. If it's in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator, so much the better. Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have the disadvantages of being seasonal and dependent on current and previous weather conditions such as rain. Open windows are a good compromise.

Scratching Posts:
It is advised that cats use any scratching post the humans may provide. They are very protective of what they think is their property and will object strongly if they catch you sharpening your claws on it. Being sneaky and doing it when they aren't around won't help, as they are very observant. If you are an outdoor kitty, trees are good. Sharpening your claws on a human is not recommended.

Humans:
Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important to maintain one's Dignity when around humans so that they will not forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.

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After much cloak-and-daggerness over the last few weeks, it is finally official, I am leaving my current employer and going to another which makes very shiny toys. So all of you who only have my work email and mobile phone number, please can you contact me on my personal one instead: slynkycat@gmail.com

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Microsoft

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You would think they would know far better than this

HSBC loses customers' data disc

HSBC says no bank account details have been lost The HSBC banking group has admitted losing a computer disc with the details of 370,000 customers. The disc was lost four weeks ago after being sent by courier from the bank's offices in Southampton. The customers' details included their names, dates of birth, and their levels of life insurance cover.

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I have finally got round to uploading all the pics of huskies from our sledding adventure in Yukon in december, there's too many to post in here but you can find them by following This Link

All pics are uploaded at 1920x1280, if you click on the "all sizes" button in flickr you can download the high res ones if you like.

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